You are enough
So, this post is going to be a little different than my typical sports posts. I attended Winter Retreat this past weekend with my youth group and it was absolutely life changing! My prayer is that at least one person can benefit from this post. God has laid it on my heart to share, so I will be obedient to his calling.
I would like to start off by saying God is the only one capable of turning a mess into a message, and tests into testimonies. To be completely honest I have been one broken girl for the past year or so. Some may question that, and be quick to claim my life seemed completely normal, almost perfect, and etc. However, in reality my life has been pretty jacked up. Y'all only got to see the outside, I however, knew I was not in fact "okay." I was not the same girl I was known to have always been. My relationship with God was fading more and more every single day. Sure I still went to church every Sunday morning and Wednesday night; but that had no meaning to me. It turned into a routine that was just expected. I got to a point where I just started to accept this new lifestyle of mine. Not just any lifestyle but an extremely toxic one at that. I became accepting of things that were not Godly. I tried to fill a huge void of my life with worldly and superficial things. I felt like I was a styrofoam cup that was filled with holes, and water continued to keep leaking out. Ungodly things kept trying to fill up this cup but just never seemed to stay full. This "cup" was my heart.
Last Thursday night, I got on my knee's and cried out to God. Embarrassing as it is to admit, this was my first time praying in a long long time. Embarrassing but honest. I sobbed uncontrollably, embarrassed by past mistakes, filled with guilt, shame, and regret. I simply asked The Lord to reveal His plan for my life, I wanted Him to rid me of who I had become and make me new again.
Fast forwarding to this past weekend at winter retreat I was woken up to God telling me something. This "something" was exactly what I had prayed for. A part of His plan was revealed to me. I listened to what He was telling me, and I knew I had to be obedient. I had been held captive in bondage for way too. I was tired, in fact I was beyond tired; I was drained from always feeling as if I was never enough. The very moment I decided to surrender all of this to Jesus, I felt an instant peace. My soul was content. My voids were filled. No longer did I have to search for fulfillment from "things" because God's got me! At the end of this amazing weekend I decided to re-dedicate my life to Jesus and make plans to get baptized again. A fresh start is exactly what I need. I am so beyond thrilled to see how God uses me in His kingdom.
To be completely honest when I took this step of faith I was scared. Real-real scared. I had a fear of being lonely, even more empty than before, and for some reason I even doubted if I would still have friends. WELL, God completely blew me away! He always provides. Not only did none of my fears actually happen, but God introduced me to a new group of friends I became instantly close to. We've only known each other since Saturday but we act as if we have known each other forever. These friends have encouraged me daily to be a Proverbs 31 lady, they have prayed over me, and are completely real with me. We have plans for a weekly Bible study together and have plans to really live out our faith. If someone last month were to tell me this was going to happen; I never in a million years would've believed it. My fears really were drowned in perfect love.
Even on my best days I am still 100% desperate for God. The approval from people will one day fade into the background, and you will no longer obsess over what people think about you or whether you measure up to a false expectation from an unrealistic culture. AND that is when you will discover the abundant life promised to you from your loving, forgiving, and extra gracious God. The sooner you stop living for the approval from others, the more you will find satisfaction in the perfect love of Jesus.
If you find yourself questioning your self worth, please take what I am about say to heart. This is a letter for YOU.
Dear Child of God,
I am writing to you, yes, YOU. Hear me out. I do not care about your past, I do not care about your deepest and darkest secrets that you keep so far hidden because, you are afraid of the outcome if others were to know. I could care less about your shame, your guilt, and how many times you have messed up. I too, have messed up. Everyone has. There is no judgement. You are not alone. Please know that God say's in Romans 5:8, "But God shows his love for us in that while we are still sinners, Christ died for us." Y'all, God know's the number of hairs on your head, He knows the prayers you're going to pray before you even open your mouth, and He knows your entire plan for life. He has created you in his image. Satan has the tendency to tell us, "you're not worthy of God's love" but listen my friend, YOU ARE WORTHY. There is nothing you could do- ever, to make God love you any less. The freedom you can find in Jesus is quite incredible, a feeling you will never be able to feel without him. No matter where you are currently in life, God desires a relationship with you. Think you're too messed for God? Well you're not, at all. God will take your brokenness and make something more beautiful than you could have ever pictured. If there is anything you can take away from this post- please know, YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE VALUED. YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD.
XOXO,
Olivia- your sister in Christ
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."-Proverbs 3:5-6
